


A coward's goodbye

by Jossasund



Series: My collection of swanqueen one-shots [15]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 18:51:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12138861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jossasund/pseuds/Jossasund
Summary: Emma leaves her family a note each before she leaves Storybrooke for good. The question is why she just leaves in the middle of the night?





	A coward's goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I wanna warn you, this is a sad one shot and no it does not have a happy ending.

Emma dried her eyes as she left the final note on Regina's desk. She knew she was a coward by leaving like this, but she couldn't bare the thought of saying this face to face. 

“I'm sorry.. “ the blonde said to herself as she left the office and headed out to her yellow bug. It was in the middle of the night and everyone in town was asleep. Well everyone except Emma of course. 

 

She sighed as she put the yellow bug in drive. She glanced over the town, and all buildings she was leaving behind. Her family.. Friends. Wife… And her son. But she didn't have a choice. It had to end like this. It was the least painful way, well at least for her.

 

Emma turned on the radio and held her breath as she passed the town line. She was once again running away but this time she left so much behind. And it broke her heart but she didn't have a choice. She was sick and didn't have much time left. 

 

Emma had been diagnosed with lung cancer and she had not said a word to Regina about it. Or anyone else for that matter. Even if her father had been scolding her with questions because she had such a terrible cough and didn't have the energy to even function like she always had. Emma just shrugged it off but as the time went by, people started to wonder what really was wrong with the savior. 

 

People talked, Emma knew that but she wasn't surprised. It was a small town and everyone knew well, everyone. So of course they talked. But she didn't care. She just didn't want to burden her family with becoming a walking corpse. Emma didn't want anyone to remember her like that. Weak and sick. No. She wanted people to remember her as a strong person.

 

The thought of Henry popped up in Emma's head and it brought tears to her eyes. She knew he would probably take this whole thing the hardest. He adored her so much and she felt exactly the same. Regina always said they were so alike and they even had the same mischievous smile on their lips when they were up to no good.

 

Regina would probably take this pretty bad as well, but Emma knew she would be a able to move on faster than  Henry. He was just a kid. But she hoped the note she left him, would at least make it a bit easier. Even if it was everything than just easy. 

 

********

 

Emma had left Henry, Regina and her parents a note. They were the ones who were the people Emma loved most in the whole world so it was the right thing to do. Right? The blonde looked down on the steering wheel and the wedding ring on her finger, caught her attention immediately. With a scream she pulled it off her finger and threw it into the backseat. 

 

Life had always been hard on her. Always. But these years in Storybrooke had been the best time in her life. She had belonged for the very first time, felt loved and happiness. She had finally found her long lost parents and she had fallen in love with Regina, the most beautiful woman there was. 

 

Emma had looked forward to growing old with the sassy former queen. She had looked forward to getting a dog like the blonde had always dreamed about. But just as usual, life had bitch slapped her and made sure those dreams would never be reality. Because Emma had just received her death sentence and her body was in terrible shape. 

 

.********

 

Regina frowned when she woke up without having Emma next to her. She missed the warmth of her wife but then again, Emma had been behaving weird these couple of months… A sudden scream caught her attention though. 

“Henry…. “ Regina breathed and quickly ran into her son's room and found him crying like crazy. “Henry, what's wrong? “ she asked anxiously and sat down beside him on the bed. 

“ma.. Ma is gone… “ he young boy sobbed and Regina grabbed the note he had in his hands and read it. 

 

_ “Henry,  _

 

_ When you came and knocked on my door that night, I just thought I was giving you a ride home. Little did I know, you were actually bringing ME home.  _

 

_ And yes I know I didn't believe you at first when you told me about the curse and all that, but I'm glad you were stubborn and made me believe. I'm always going to be thankful for our adventures together, and the life we got the share. You, your mom and me.  _

_ I'm leaving for a last adventure now, kid, and I'm sorry to say I can't bring anyone with me. Just promise me you'll take care of your mom for me? And dry those tears for me and be strong.  _

 

_ I love you Henry  _

 

_ Always and forever,  _

_ Emma” _

 

“What.. What is this? “ Regina stuttered and met Henry's teary eyes. 

“She's… She's gone?” Henry answered as he dried his eyes. “haven't you gotten a note from her?”

“No I.. No.. “ Regina replied as she tried to fight every urge in her body not to break down in tears herself. Instead she embraced her son in a tight hug and the boy cuddled as close he could.  _ Emma what have you done…  _ Regina thought to herself as she blinked away the tears in her eyes. 

 

******

 

Emma put her car in park and dried her eyes. She had been crying all the way. It was way more hurtful then she'd thought it would be and she wondered if she had really made the right decision by doing this. The blonde glanced at her wrist watch and realized Henry would probably be awake by now… 

And that meant he had most surtain read his note. 

“I hope you'll forgive me Henry.. I'm so sorry.” 

 

Regina suddenly heard a knock on her door and she placed a tender kiss on her son's forehead before she headed downstairs to see who was at the door this early in the morning. She hoped it was Emma, but sadly it wasn't. Instead it was Mary Margaret and David she saw in front of her. They had both been crying.

“can we come in? “ David asked carefully and Regina simply nodded and let them inside. 

 

They walked inside and sat down on the couch and Mary Margaret handed over the note she had in her hands to Regina. She didn't say anything, so the former queen looked down at it and started to read. 

 

_ “Mom, dad..  _

 

_ I'm sorry for leaving you like this and saying goodbye like this, over a damn note. But I guess I'm a bit scared to actually say this face to face.. I'm sick.. And I don't want you guys to watch me become nothing but a hollow version of the person, the daughter you guys have always loved.  _

 

_ I'm happy we got at least some years together and I will always cherish it. I finally found you. My long lost parents and I will always be happy for the years we got. Because I will never forget it. You became the family I have always dreamed of.  _

 

_ I will always love you.  _

 

_ Always and forever,  _

_ Your daughter Emma “ _

 

“She's sick? “ Regina stuttered as her eyes met David's. 

“I guess that cough she had was much worse then we thought” he shrugged. 

“I'm so sorry Regina.. “ Mary Margaret said as their eyes met. 

“I can't believe she just left… “ the former queen said as the tears burned in her eyes. Mary Margaret quickly rose to her feet and went upstairs to make sure Henry wouldn't hear what they were talking about. And Regina needed to break down, she was so close to it already.

 

“Haven't she left you a note?” David carefully said as he reached for Regina's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“No.. I just woke up and… No.. “ she shock her head as she said it. She felt so confused and couldn't believe Emma had just upped and left. And why hadn't she left her a note? Wasn't she worth that at least? 

“Have you checked your office? “ David said and once again she shook her head. “Then do that. We'll keep an eye on Henry.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes Regina, just go” David assured her with a gentle smile as she disappeared in a whirl of purple smoke. 

 

*******

 

Emma checked in to the hotel and had paid with cash, making sure she wasn't able to be traced by her credit card. The guy behind the counter didn't say as much as a word. He just grabbed her cash and gave her a key. The blonde just took it and went upstairs. 

 

The hotel was sleazy and disgusting but what did that even matter. She had come here for one reason and one reason only. To take her own life.

 

Emma laid down on the bed and immediately broke down in tears. She hid her face in her hands and just wanted to scream. 

“I'm sorry for leaving you like this Regina.. I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me someday…” Emma mumbled to herself and broke down in a million pieces. 

 

****

 

When Regina reached her office she ran up to her desk and there she saw a white envelope with her name on it. She sat down on her chair before she opened the envelope as she held her breathe. 

 

_ “Regina..  _

 

_ I hope you will forgive me for this, maybe not tomorrow or the day after this. But I don't blame you if you won't because… I'm such an idiot for telling you this over a stupid note but I couldn't bare to look into those beautiful eyes of yours and say this… I'm sorry.  _

 

_ I checked every spell book in your vault before I took this decision, hoping I would find a cure. I sadly didn't..  _

 

_ I'm sure my parents showed you their note and in that one you could read I was sick. But I'm only telling you how sick I am. I have cancer Regina. And it's not treatable. That's the reason I bolted.  _

 

_ I have been sick for awhile and I really hoped it would just get better but it didn't. So i went to the doctor and then I got the worst news ever. I wasn't just having some bad bacteria.. I had cancer. And it was so far gone there wasn't treatment.  _

 

Regina laid away the note for a second and broke down in tears. How could Emma have kept this from her? From her family? She knew she had been sick for awhile but that she would be  _ this  _ sick had never accrued to Regina. And now Emma was gone. She dried her eyes and continued to read the long note. 

 

_ I know you're blaming yourself right now for all this Regina, but please don't. You asked plenty of times, everyone did, why I was so tired all the time and why I had that stupid cough. So it's nobody's fault. None other than my own. If I hadn't been so damn stubborn and refused to go to the doctor for so long, maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't have come to this. But what is done is done and not even magic can change that.  _

 

_ Regina, I want you to know you were the happy ending I always dreamed of. And I'm so happy for the years we got together.  _

 

_ I will always remember the day I asked you to marry me and you said yes. I have never been happier then I was that day. I had finally found my queen and finally my life felt complete.  _

 

_ I want you to remember me as that stubborn blonde in her red leather jacket that drove you mind in the beginning. I want you to remember my strength and my love for you. I want you to remember the strong person I was.  _

 

_ I left because I didn't want you to watch me slowly turn to dust. I didn't want you to see me die in front of your eyes or in front of Henry's. I didn't want to be remembered as some kind of shadow of the woman I once was.  _

 

_ I will always love you Regina. You and Henry are the best thing that have ever happened to me and I know you two will get through this hard time, because you have each other.  _

 

_ When you read this I will probably already drawn my last breathe, but dry your eyes and be the strong queen I know you are.  _

 

_ I will always be with you. In one way or another. Even if I wished this had been different.  _

 

_ Please forgive me.  _

 

_ Always yours, _

 

_ Miss swan” _

 

The note slipped out of Regina's grip and she started to shake like a leaf. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening! 

“You stupid idiot… “ Regina groaned as she hid her head in her hands and let the tears flow down her cheeks. It felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest by reading those words. Emma was gone. And this time. For forever. And the worst part of it. She couldn't do a damned thing about it. 

 

******

 

Emma was still sobbing on the bed and questioned once again if this was really the right decision. She knew it would be painful either way she did this, but still… Had she really just made it easy for herself? 

 

Regardless, she couldn't do anything about it. She didn't have it in her to drive back anyway because she was way to tired and the only thing she wanted to do was to sleep. With a big groan she reached down in her pocket where she had that the bag of pills she had stolen from the hospital. 

 

She blinked slowly once more before she downed the pills with a glas of water she had by the bed. Emma laid down and slowly she started to feel how it got harder to breath. And soon she draw her last breath and the last thing she saw in front of was Regina and Henry. 

 

******

 

**2 months later.**

 

“Mom, are you ready? “ Henry asked as he walked into his mother's bedroom. It was time for Emma's funeral and it had been a rough couple of months. But he tried to be strong for his mother because she had been pulling away totally from people since Emma's suicide. 

“I'm sure Henry. Let's go and say our finally goodbyes to Emma” Regina said with a crooked smile as Henry's hand slipped into hers. 

 

The funeral had been beautiful and almost everyone had been crying. Regina had tried to speak but she hadn't been able to get much sentences out before she had broken down. Emma's father David had quickly taken over as Henry and Mary Margaret had taken care of Regina. 

 

The four of them was still standing by the grave long after the casket had been lowered down into the ground and everyone else had left. Regina still held her bouquet of roses in her hand, almost still hoping that Emma would come running to them and asking what the hell they were doing. But as the time passed, regina slowly realized her wife and love of her life, actually was dead. 

 

David laid his arm around Regina and pulled her close. The queen who usually didn't like this type of comfort if it didn't come from Emma, didn't so as much move. She needed this. And in some way it was like David's grip around her was the only thing holding all her pieces together. 

  
“good bye miss swan”


End file.
